My wife and I are getting ready to go out:
Her: Front door or back door?
So, I did it. I’d like to say I’m ashamed or some such, but I actually rather enjoyed doing this. In a little while, I might post slightly more typo-free versions on this page. In the meantime, here’s a link to my page over at fanfiction.net. Go ahead, nerds. Click that link. I dare you.
Yes, I am aware that I am a huge nerdork. Nothing to see here. Move along.
We’re at the farmer’s market. My wife, seeing that the coffee guy is there, says: Hey you want to get some coffee?
Her: What? How come?
Me: It’s good coffee and all, but last time—it takes him a while to make your cup and so he starts talking to me about roasts and blends and flavors and stuff.
Me: It was awkward.
Her: That doesn’t make any sense.
Me: Well. So, imagine your crack dealer started talking to you about different varietals of cocaine, when really they should be saying, This shit’ll get you messed up.
I’m sharing my sandwich with my daughter.
Looking at the meat, she says, “Is this chicken?”
“No, baby, it’s ham.”
“Yeah,” she says, “but is it chicken?”
“No, sweetie, it’s ham.”
“Why isn’t it chicken?”
“Because when you use a pig to make chicken, you get ham.”
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,400 times in 2013. If it were a cable car, it would take about 40 trips to carry that many people.
Early New Year’s resolution. Instead of spending my time dicking around on the internet, I think whenever I get the urge, I’ll just write a little Mass Effect fanfiction instead. If I’m going to do something useless, I might as well be doing something that at least has the appearance of being productive.
Also: apologies to all in advance.
For people who drink from nip bottles, I’m just curious:
Have you ever—and I mean ever—tried using trash cans?
I was just wondering.
—a curious citizen
So I got really sick a little while ago with hand foot and mouth. Apparently it caused a few memory problems, too. I was on a walk with the kids, pushing the stroller around our neighborhood, when I get the following call: